51吃瓜

The term 鈥渢rans鈥� is in these days, giving new meaning to old cultural norms.

I have been struck by the recent emergence of 鈥渢rans鈥� into the fabric of everyday life.聽So I decided to look into this a little further in order to help others who may be searching for answers.聽For future reference, 鈥溾�� is a prefix from Latin, generally meaning 鈥渁cross,鈥� 鈥渂eyond,鈥� 鈥渢hrough,鈥� 鈥渃hanging thoroughly,鈥� 鈥渢ransverse鈥� and used to mean 鈥渙n the other side of,鈥� when referring to one鈥檚 gender identity.

Transgender

For quite some time, transgender folks kept it hidden for the most part, both literally and figuratively.聽Now it seems like such an 鈥渋n鈥� thing to be that the rest of us are taking notice.聽As hard as this may be to believe, this increased transgender awareness may have one important lasting benefit for the US population as a whole:聽We might finally get public restroom labeling reform across the land.

I have long wondered at the sometimes mysterious markings that denote restroom gender in public places.聽Almost everyone has been in a restaurant confidently striding to the restrooms when 鈥渂oom鈥濃�攜ou can鈥檛 tell which is which. Is that a goose or a gander, a hat or a bonnet, a skirt or maybe a kilt?

I don鈥檛 think I am the only guy who sometimes can鈥檛 figure it out, still has to piss, makes a reluctant choice and then breathes a sigh of relief when he sees the urinal.聽Well, those days could be over thanks to our new-found transgender friends.

Whatever else the new Caitlyn Jenner brings to society鈥檚 table, I think we are about to see in public places across America a government-imposed regulation that even the troglodytes among us will applaud鈥攕tandardized public restroom labeling.聽M and W seem obvious choices.聽But then it could get a bit complicated.聽T might work, but that doesn鈥檛 leave much room for folks with other issues. So I am going to suggest A for 鈥淎ll鈥濃�攇iving the adventurous an opportunity to mingle in the new world order and the shy, non-gender challenged, the option to stick with what they know.

Transracial

Once we get the restrooms sorted out, we can work on trying to come to grips with 鈥�,鈥� an adjective defined as 鈥渋nvolving or between two or more racial groups.鈥� Used in a sentence, one might correctly say: 鈥淲ow, that transracial redneck really needs a new flag.鈥�

Now, I am all in with anybody who wants to identify themselves as something they feel like being as long as nobody gets hurt, except the identity-confused person. When I was a kid, I used to tell myself that I was an Apache Native American whenever I felt aggrieved by parental oversight or about to be in pain from dental work.聽It gave me an identity with the oppressed that also allowed me to find an historical antecedent for sticking it to white folks when they were the source of my momentary pain and suffering.

But I knew all along that I was not really a Native American and that I lived in Kensington, Maryland instead of some depressed Indian reservation in the swamps of Florida or in the tornado target land of Oklahoma.聽So what should we make of a white woman who spends her whole life pretending to be a black woman? First, there is a little good news鈥攁t least she is not pretending to be a black man.

But in a world in which real black skin can鈥檛 be washed off, can anyone who can wash it off really ever walk in a black person鈥檚 shoes?聽What if the black teenager at the pool party in Texas had said to the cop throwing her to the ground: 鈥淣o, stop, I am really a white teenager鈥�?聽Does anyone think that he would have stopped dead in his tracks, helped her up and said: 鈥淥h, let me go find a real black teenager to throw around鈥�?聽No, he knew she couldn鈥檛 wash it off.

The recent apparently white woman selling herself as a black woman, Rachel Dolezal, and her incredulous, if nasty ass, parents sure gained a few moments of mindless infamy for themselves鈥攁nd a cacophony of wasted airtime for CNN and NBC鈥攂ut they gained聽absolutely nothing for real black folks seeking to be trans-poverty and to live trans-ghetto.聽(The same can be said for聽newfound and symbolic disgust聽regarding the Confederate flag.)

When Dolezal gets back to being a white person who cares about racial issues, she may have something important to say to us, but only if she first has a really frank talk with herself.聽I never was an Apache鈥擨 knew it then and know it now.聽I got quickly back to being a white guy who didn鈥檛 have to live on a reservation.聽Think about it.

Trans-Fat

This 鈥渢rans鈥� was brought to you by the fast food industry and the rest of corporate America that worked hard to get you tasty food at a low price that was truly unhealthy.聽However, trans-fat is apparently so bad for you that the corporate trans-fat purveyors of yesteryear decided on their own that most of their customers would still eat the crap they serve, even if one of the toxins was removed.聽They were right: Taco Bell figured out how to make an XXL Grilled Stuffed Burrito with over 800 calories and almost no trans-fat that has mortality written all over it.

So unlike 鈥渢ransgender鈥� and 鈥渢ransracial,鈥� which are trending up, 鈥渢rans-fat鈥� is trending down.聽It seems that years after the corporate purveyors began to abandon trans-fat to spend their time and money developing new toxins to entice us, the US Food and Drug Administration has now officially banned artificial trans-fats from the US food supply, albeit not until 2018.

While this might seem like a victory of sorts for good health, it is just another example of the government telling us what to do and overwhelming small businesses with regulatory requirements. To counter this, I have started a new informative website that provides a convenient list of where you can still get trans-fats, information on storage of trans-fats in your home for future use, along with easy-to-prepare delicacies laced with trans fats.

As an added feature, the website will contain cross-references to the sources of other stuff that can kill you鈥攁s an example, with one quick click of your computer, you will be able to find all the gun shops in your area that also sell trans-fats. Check it out: .

*[A version of this article was also featured on Larry Beck鈥檚 , Hard Left Turn.]

The views expressed in this article are the author鈥檚 own and do not necessarily reflect 51吃瓜鈥檚 editorial policy.

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